and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
