she woke up with a sticky ear
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
