i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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