it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
too bad you live with your parents still
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
