I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
