is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
operation have a gay friend backfired
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
