We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The uberlube is also flammable
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
