it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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