I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
