Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
