Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
