I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
