More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
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I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
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I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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