We tried having a conversation with our noses.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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