Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My balls are so social today.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
