Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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