Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
