i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize