yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
