How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
