Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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