I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
