my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
