jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize