So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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