I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
