How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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