I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
