It's Friday. Sex?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
