he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize