So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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