My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
