I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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