He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Mom said you looked used
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
