Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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