So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
