My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I want to fling myself into the sun
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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