I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
