i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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