Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
