Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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