If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
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she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
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I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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