last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
