She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
