i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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