The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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