I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
