I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
