When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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