Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Randomize
