I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
