haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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