he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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