So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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