I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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