she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
