I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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