so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I checked into jail on foursquare
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
