i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
